I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
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