You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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