I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize