I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
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