You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
FUCK WHALES
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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