yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
