you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
