How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
