please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Randomize
