Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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