I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I am available for nakedness
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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