u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
