I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Randomize
