I think i peed on brittanys purse
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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