Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Randomize
