I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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