its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
