i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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