Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I wish there were birth control emojis
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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