My Higher Power is John Stamos
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Dicks are not precious.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Randomize
