My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
