brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
