Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
he wants to bone in the snuggie
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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