I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Randomize
