i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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