Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
