You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
