I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
