I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
