Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
