the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Panties = found
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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