just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Randomize
