Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
