You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
sick fucks of a feather flock together
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Randomize
