She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
