just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
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