Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
