I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
