so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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