my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
