its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
