who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
