did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Randomize
