So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
