he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Randomize
