i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
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