I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
These tits shall not be calmed
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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