cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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