so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
