he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
