I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
