so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
