A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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