Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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