You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
