4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize