Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
