look no pants
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
