I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Randomize