I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
