Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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