Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
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