Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
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