I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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