you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
