Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Randomize
