He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Is it penis luge time yet?
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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