i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
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