Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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