The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
