Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
this just has baby written all over it
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Randomize
