I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
