if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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