Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
