good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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