he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
