You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Randomize
